My mother doesn't like to cook. It's not that she cooks badly, but she doesn't get pleasure out of the process of cooking. So food preparation in my house was always just that - preparing the food. I was not raised with any feel for being in the kitchen. So although I can prepare basics like grilled cheese sandwiches and follow a basic recipe for cookies, I would have no idea how to go about cooking like a real Jewish mother.
Fortunately, my husband does. We have a family joke that when someone asked my brother whether his mother made a good brisket, he should have said, "No but my brother=in-law does." DH learned from his own mother, a kibbutznik who worked in a restaurant at one time. DH actually enjoys experimenting with recipes, and is really good at it. He usually can make meals and desserts better than most kosher restaurants. in fact, his successful entry into the world of making pies and pastries started when we paid a lot of money for a really awful chocolate mousse pie from a major kosher bakery. The next week, DH got on the internet to find a recipe, and the result was one of my favorite desserts.
So from the time we got married, DH has been the primary cook in the family. When we first got married and moved to a yeshiva community in New York, we would often be invited to meals at the homes of other newly married couples. Invariably this topic would come up and the wife would say (in a not-so-polite voice, usually), "Your husband cooks? Don't you want to cook?"
I really never understood the question. I have someone who enjoys cooking, and does it well, where I don't know much about it. So I could cook and make ok food, but why? Also, many of these women also went into marriage not knowing how to cook. I have heard that people just learn over time from older married women, but in the meantime their family has to eat the results. One of the skeptics actually served pink chicken. (She was very embarrassed and I felt badly for her, but the fact is that she didn't even check her cooking before serving it to her family and guests.) I believe that whoever is great at the cooking should do that job in the home. If the wife is an amazing cook, great! if it is both spouses, they can take turns or spend time in the kitchen together. (OK, this is where one would make a joke about getting something cooking...) Why should the gender of the cook matter?
DH and Rebel With A Cause have started a new blog, Why Don't More Jewish Men Cook?. DH will be sharing his thoughts on the subject and both will be contributing recipes.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
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5 comments:
We miss you and we miss your husband's cooking. My mother also never seemed to enjoy cooking. She made a few good things, but I never remember her taking pleasure in it. Your husband definitely does and there is nothing wrong with enjoying a practical hobby.
On an unrelated note, Erin had a baby boy yesterday!
As you know, cyp and I have a "traditional" cooking relationship. Neither of our mothers are cooks and my mother-in-law was very shocked to find out that I was a good one at that:
The first erev Yom Kippur that cyp and I were dating, we were invited to eat by his parents. I arrived early to help and his mother hands me a box of matzo ball soup mix telling me to "make the soup", not realizing that she was talking to someone who make stock FROM SCRATCH!
Fast forward to a Chanukah celebration that same year...it was our turn to host the festivities. I made EVERYTHING, except these kartofel knaidelakh (potato dumplings to you non-yeks) from my great-grandmother's recipe. Well, Mom forgot that the mashed potatoes had to be cold and added enough flour to make paste. CYP's mother was kvelling to my mother about how wonderful the food was, and her jaw hit the ground when Mom said that I made it all (except the knaidelakh).
I became a cook out of necessity. I was a latch-key kid whose father wanted dinner on the table by a certain time (but older sibs were out working). Dad taught me how to make a few of his favorits and from there, I just started exploring.
I will cook as soon as Barak teaches me how to do so.
Although, I CAN microwave pretty okay.
AND.. off topic... Mazel Tov to Erin. (That her first? second?)
He is Erin's second. We have a cute picture of D. playing with her oldest when he was just a baby, and now he's a big brother!
Barak plans to have recipes and advice on his blog so take a look periodically. I also have some great stuff from FlyLady (actually, her cooking guru Leanne, author of "Saving Dinner") with basic terminology and instructions. I will forward some of that along to you.
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