Orthonomics writes about the lack of thank you notes being sent, especially for kids' birthday presents. Though I admit that I was too slow in writing our wedding and birthday thank you notes, that was my own issue and I definitely agree that they need to be written. My son has gotten some very cute notes from parties he has attended (though at this age they are written by the parents.)
However, I have an even more pressing concern - what about at least having the kid say thank you in person! It seems that most of the kids in my son's school are not opening their presents at the party. On one hand, it prevents jealousy over who gave what, avoids present overload (they can open one a day afterwards), and maybe there are other reasons. On the other hand, the kids don't get the pleasure of seeing their friend open the gift, and the kid does not end up saying thank you. And unfortunately at many of these parties, the birthday kid doesn't do anything to acknowledge the guests. I have my son say thank you on the way out to both the kid and mother, and often he gets a blank stare from the kid. Few other parents prompt their child to say thank you, and in one case my son walked in the door and the kid grabbed the present out of his hand without even saying hello. (This is one of the problem kids I have discussed in a previous post.)
These parties are generally pretty fancy, sometimes at a gym or ice cream store, the whole class (sometimes both classes) are invited, and my son brings home lots of expensive party favors. BUT there is little in the way of friendly and polite behavior. I much prefer the at-home parties with a few kids where my son knows he was specifically invited as a friend, and where the kid actually acts happy to see him.
Here's my question (for anyone reading): Son is invited to a party for one of the rude kids (since he invited the whole class). It's at a nice gym and I know he'll enjoy the activities and seeing his other friends from school. But the kid is definitely not his friend and will probably ignore him. I am probably going to let him go but I would be interested in how others would handle this.
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3 comments:
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Great post Esther. I have a lot on my plate but would like to follow up using your post.
1) This is one area where I disagree with school policy with birthday parties (either all of one gender or whole class needs to be invited). More about that later...
2) I've been thinking about this for a while. Have your son direct his polite words (hello/thank you/good-bye) to the person who really invited him, the mom/dad of the birthday boy. Perhaps then your son will be remembered (at least by the parents) for his shining middot and it might inspire them to teach their own children a thing or two about derekh eretz (when they have to respond to your son).
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