SephardiLady had a great post today about people butting into each other's business. She was specifically talking about people seeing you having a difficult parenting moment, and choosing to make it worse by adding unsolicited criticism instead of either minding their own business or offering to help. But the bigger point is that there will always be people ready to hand out judgement and criticism of everything you are doing. You have to live your life by doing what is right for you and your family, maybe asking the advice of close trusted friends, but not overly worrying about "what will everyone think".
When we moved to our community, we were familiar with one school which we understood was excellent. The friend who showed me around told me that she wanted me to check out the other school also, which is a Religious Zionist program. Based on our research of both programs, we chose the second one and are very happy. It never meant that we thought any less of the other school, just that we selected one that was right for us.
I heard about several people I am acquainted with whose children are in the other school and have a lot of complaints. But it would never be "acceptable" for them to switch schools. Then I found out that a person whose child has very serious issues is switching to our school because he is not getting the help he needs in his current situation. Unfortunately, the father had to add the remark that "some people won't speak to me anymore because we go to the other school."
First of all, I find that really sad. And also, I wish that this father wasn't so overly concerned with what other people think of him. It seems like this comes up in so many of the "issues" - school selection, shidduchim, choosing what community to live in or whether to learn full time or not. People need to take responsibility for making life decisions and not keep doing things that are making them miserable just because "everybody" will think negatively of them. (Plus they might be surprised at how many people applaud their decision if they make it confidently.)
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2 comments:
Didn't know I'd be a starting post for an excellent topic. ;)
A while ago I made a post about being Happy with One's Lot in honor of the Omer and learning Pirkei Avot. I truly believe that if people just stopped worrying about what all the neighbors would think, they would not only solve many of their own issues, but they would live more peacefully with themselves.
I used to think that only adolescents worried a great deal about what everyone else was thinking, but now that I am a parent, I see that parents are almost as bad.
Hopefully some of the parents who are unable to educate their children according to the needs of their children will start to feel more empowered by making their own decisions (rather than letting others dictate their decisions through disapproval-real or imaginary).
I recently decided to send our 5-year-old to the local public religious elementary school. Most of our friends send to one of the various "frummer" private schools. Now there is even a more modern private school. Anyway, I know I will get a lot of raised eyebrows about this. But I decided that I would rather be in a place where I am comfortable with the hashkafa, even if I end up being the only mother in the class with her hair covered (and I won't be). I have more confidence about my ability to choose my son's friends. Prestige and friends are the only reasons for people here to prefer the private schools; they run on a much lower budget and are scholastically inferior. And I will save a chunk of money.
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